Want to Manage China? Here’s Your Three Hour Written Exam.

If I could manage any national football team in the whole wide world… I’d choose China last. It’s a horrible horrible job.

Not because of the players – although one goal/no wins at the 2008 Olympics and an already failed World Cup 2010 qualification campaign don’t bode well. It’s more the expectation.

The massive massive expectation from the biggest population in the history of planet earth. All of whom your team will eventually disappoint.

So if you sign up to be manager of the Chinese national team, you’re basically signing up to get booed by 1.3 billion people. Which might explain why the hiring procedure sounds like a mix of high school and Guantanamo Bay.

There are apparently four victims coaches in the running: Yin Tiesheng (the current caretaker), Shen Xiangfu, Gao Hongbo and Wu Jingui.

The Chinese Football Authority has sent all four men to “a closed training base” for three days, where they’ll apparently be giving 15 minute presentations and sitting a three-hour written test on education, management and sport.

And Yin Tiesheng has some typical pre-exam nerves:

“I am not very confident,” said Yin, whose last two matches in charge were a 3-2 loss to Syria and a 6-1 win over Vietnam in Asian Cup qualifiers.

“I only hope I can present my knowledge of football and let the commission decide. The fact I am here means I have some chance.”

I recommend writing a few “reminders” on your palm beforehand, and then trying not to sweat too much in the exam room. That second bit’s important.

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