UEFA Gives The Vuvuzela The Finger, Bans It Across The Board

September 1st, 2010 | by: chris | View Comments

It’s been nice, football sans vuvuzelae, hasn’t it? For most of us, anyway, and this surely goes double if you’re the sound engineer for a broadcasting company which pumps out football. (Nightmares of ambient noise and so forth.)

UEFA feels similarly and has done away with the devil seed for UEFA-sanctioned competition. A large battle in the fight against the vuvuzela has been won.

According to the official release, UEFA would prefer the magical environment of songs about so and so’s mother and chants mentioning unmentionable things.

But it’s still better than the vuvuzela. (Unless you’re on the receiving end, of course.)

The magic of football consists of the two-way exchange of emotions between the pitch and the stands, where the public can transmit a full range of feelings to the players. However, UEFA is of the view that the vuvuzelas would completely change the atmosphere, drowning supporter emotions and detracting from the experience of the game.

To avoid the risk of these negative effects in the stadiums where UEFA competitions are played and to protect the culture and tradition of football in Europe – singing, chanting etc. – UEFA has decided with immediate effect that vuvuzelas will not be allowed in the stadiums where UEFA competitions matches are played.

And for the umpteenth time, just how do they plan on enforcing this? “Excuse me, is that a mini vuvuzela in your pants?”

Up next on UEFA’s to-do list: instant death for those who show up with a cowbell.