Philippines National Team Looking For Volunteers

Do you play football above an amateur level? Are you just short of half-way decent? Is there a rumor that you may be the bastard product of a one-night stand involving at least one person of Filipino descent? If so, you may be in luck. The Philippine Football Federation is literally “scouring the globe” to find people like you to play for the national football team which is, as you might expect, still shooting for that lofty goal of becoming subpar.

They’re so far below subpar, in fact, they didn’t even bother to enter the World Cup qualifying stages earlier this year, avoiding inevitable embarrassment. (They currently sport an all-time record of 23-14-147. Fairly telling.) So they’ve begun their quest for football’s holy grail: eligible players for the national team from other countries. Seems to be working:

But they are steadily climbing the rankings with six European-based players in their starting 11, most of whom have never even been to the country. Martinez is hoping to add 10 more by the end of the year.
He said over 40 players with Filipino mothers and British fathers had been found in London alone, while at least 20 were being looked at in Germany.

The Philippine Football Federation has compiled a list of current players, some of them oozing Filipinoness with names like Phil & James Younghusband, Neil Etheridge, Thomas Armstrong, Robin Clark, Christopher Greatwich and James Hall.

Aside from being quite thankful his name isn’t Youngwife, Phil Younghusband is also a mildly decent talent. Formerly of Chelsea’s youth team before being released this summer who is now chillin’ in London with Stephen Appiah & Freddie Ljungberg as he awaits the right opportunity. Still, a guy once cut from Chelsea’s kiddie school being your “Great Hope” says a bit about the state of talent in the Phillipines. So if you’re irreplaceable on your pub team and your drunk uncle keeps blurting out that story how your mom had a tryst with a Filipino man roughly 9 months before you were born, why not give ‘em a call?