Guus Hiddink: Football’s Town Bicycle.

March 4th, 2010 | by: chris | View Comments

Forget John Terry, Vanessa Perroncel and Ashley Cole’s little – or big – black book, Guus Hiddink is blowing their whoring ways out of the European water. He’s never quite been a one-club man – frequent flier miles between Sydney and Eindhoven tell enough of a story – but Guus is entering into unchartered territories with his latest contract.

I mean country.

Russia remain one of the biggest disappointments not to make it to South Africa, seemingly a foregone conclusion when they tapped the country’s oil reserves to bring in Guus four years back. Despite negotiations to bring him back, Guus decided to jump Russian vessel to join up with Euro 2008’s other big surprise, Turkey’s cardiac kids.

Despite World Cup failure, his Russian contract is up on June 30, thus he still has to go through the motions as Russian gaffer. His hand waving tenure ended yesterday with a 1-1 draw in Hungary.

As with most coaching contracts during World Cup years, Guus’ stint with Turkey will not begin until August 1st, giving him the month of July to finally nail those hard-to-tan spots, lie about drinking too many umbrella beverages and not pay his taxes.

Or he could just piggyback another team which actually qualified, such as the Ivory Coast, to the World Cup. Sure, that sounds splendid.

Ivory Coach football association (FIF) president Jacques Anouma told BBC Sport: “Guus is one of the people we have contacted about becoming coach.

“Probably in the middle of next week something will be concluded.”

Guus is being coy on the matter:

The 63-year-old told reporters in Holland: “I have some matters to resolve before I reach my decision.”

Those ‘matters’ to be resolved involve euros: namely the amount it will take to buy out his Russian contract so he can get busy with Didier Drogba & Co. – again – rather than glad-handing politicos in Moscow during the spring.

This should have a familiar ring to it, as Hiddink coached PSV & Australia simultaneously a few years back as well as Chelsea & Russia, both under the same Big Boss, just last year.

If all goes as planned, Guus will lead the Ivory Coast when he should technically be Russia’s coach, whilst Turkey is waiting on the porch heart aflutter, eyes scanning the road for his headlights, ignoring the fact that Guus is getting a quickie in the car on the way home.

JT & Cashley may the posterboys for the unfaithful footballer, but they’re the picture of monogamy next to Guus. The man’s simply insatiable.

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