German Security Firm Increases Your Confidence In South Africa 2010

October 22nd, 2009 | by: chris | View Comments

All of days ago we were treated to a trailer of Fahrenheit 2010, the documentary which takes a look at the devious desires behind FIFA’s insistence on a World Cup in South Africa. Not quite sure it’ll have the clout to do any damage (read: bribes), but it shines more light on an already illuminated subject.

So how about the news that the German national team won’t be leaving their compound without bulletproof vests? It would seem that dirty tackles are the least of their worries in South Africa.

* – Click on that link for an eminent display of Photoshopping skillz. Love it.

BaySecur, the security consultancy in charge of Jogi’s boys next summer, gave us a little view into the process:

“The possibility for the players of moving outside of the hotel boundaries should be kept to a minimum. Otherwise there must be a full escort: armed security guards and bullet-proof vests for the players.”

So in other words, treat them like a president under assassination threat. Or the pope.

What’s going to happen is South Africa will turn into the real life interpretation of a pretty poor Steven Seagal or Nicolas Cage film. Presumably with better acting from Mario Gomez. And then Michael Ballack and Jogi Loew will meet in a dark room at an airport under black ops surveillance. Then Jason Bourne will come in and save the day (both in terms of the actual day and film quality). And voila, the fourth in the Bourne series will be….

There is one silver lining for all of this, however: standards are set so impossibly low they can’t possibly fall short, can they?

(Don’t answer that.)