Capitalism Gone Wild: Survive Stabbings At World Cup 2010 With Country-Identifying Proktektorvest.

January 12th, 2010 | by: chris |

front show This is possibly in incredibly poor taste, but it’s also incredibly hilarious. PROKTEKTORVEST (must be capitalized) is the newest fashion statement to be made at South Africa 2010 as a personalized knife-proof vest. That’s right, you too can prevent stabs while rooting for your favorite team for only $69.95.

But that’s not all!

Wait, yes it is.

Of course while this is obviously in response to the crime in South Africa, just wait until Wimbledon gets a grass-inspired vest named The Monica Seles. Or a giant puffy punch-proof vest in the shape of a basketball called The Ron Artest. Or body armor called Joey Barton’s Teammate.

Suddenly, there’s an incredible market for these things, eh?

They’ll also be donating $1 from the purchase of each vest to a “knife crime charity”. Does this involve things like getting a packet of plastic silverware sans butter knife? No one knows.

The PROTEKTORVEST has been manufactured to highest standards and wearing a vest can reduce the risk of being injured by a knife or other sharp object. The armour is flexible, multi-adjustable (sizes S – XXXL) and comfortable to wear for substantial periods of time. Most importantly it protects you from knife attacks in a world that is becoming increasingly dangerous.

Our PROTEKTORVEST offers effective protection from potential attacks from blades, knives, bottles and broken glass and turns your stab vest into a special and exclusive fan article.

* – Why would anyone buy anything other than XXXL? Isn’t the idea to maximize surface area protected from stabbings?

Incredibly, nowhere on the website does it say this product is FIFA-approved.

EnglandFront

That red cross looks suspiciously like a target. And no doubt Japanese fans should stay well away from these.

ProtektorVestEN

To be perfectly honest, at first this seemed a joke. It appears that’s not the case. So do you need a stab-proof vest in South Africa? Probably not. Should you be careful? Probably. And what should you do if someone tries to stab you? Run like the wind and scream like a little girl.

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Seth

o_0
http://scotland.worldcupblog.org Ian

Yeah … When we spotted this, I thought it was a joke too, but no. I love the banner ad on the page that shows examples like one with “Free Hugs” written on it. A “Free Hugs” stab-vest ranks with the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.
Titi

You are a fucking ignorant idiots…one incident in Angola and you think there is a problem in South Africa. Thank God I don’t consider all your kinds idiots just because you are one
Bill

Speaking of ignorance, well done to Titi for completely missing the point of the article.
Craefish

Comment removed. Told ya.
http://scotland.worldcupblog.org Ian

Aside from the complete nonsense of “continent inside of a country like South Africa”, which has like three different things wrong with it, what you just wrote is certainly racism. I have to run right now, but I’ll get around to deleting your comment when I get back, if Daryl or one of the other admins haven’t by then already. Bye now.
Man

Take it from a South African, there is a crime problem here, but you will be more likely to get stabbed (probably more likely to be shot though imo) when you are robbed travelling to or leaving the games or on your way to your hotel from the airport than during an actual game.

Keep your wits about you and don’t buy crap from idiots.
Archie

A bullet proof vest would be more appropriate for anyone stupid enough to go there,Danny Jordaan was part of the committee that declared Angola safe for the Afcon Cup and look what happened.Shows you what he knows and Angola is safer than South Africa.
Oh and didnt you South Africans invent the anti Rape device for women to wear? This vest is exactly the same motivation.
Man

Never heard of the anti rape device, there’s lots of that too though. Someone did invent a flame thrower mounted under a car’s front doors (for Hijackings), didn’t really take off. :)

You aren’t totally stupid to come here (let’s not forget the US and other places have major violent crime rates as well) but keep your wits about you like I said. You *do not* go for a walk at night, for example.

If we living in the suburbs, leave our doors open or unlocked people will just walk in, hold us up at gunpoint, tie us up, lock us in the bathroom and clean out our house (speaking from personal experience here ;)). If you’re lucky they don’t beat you or rape the women and girls. If you try to fight them off you will get shot.

Worst case scenario, hand over your valubles and hopefully you don’t get shot/stabbed/raped.
Dorito

Ha, in South Africa girls have more chances of getting raped than becoming literate. I’m definitely buying one.
SA

O my word. If you want to protect yourself, then just use common sense. I live in SA, so follow these simple rules.

1. Don’t go walking or driving slowly in dodgy, dark looking streets or allyways, stay in public areas.
2.If a dude looks dodgy and his calling you over, just ignore and keep on walking.
3.Lock your doors
4.And lastly don’t FFS when you go to the wild farms get out of your car to go pet the lion.

On second thought, you can go pet the lions, just buy my anti-lion attack vest ;p

You can go far in life with common sense, just a shame you can’t sell that to ppl who don’t have it.
@ Dorito

How dumb are you – they not used for rape crimes you muppet
Bubba

Sorry, but a stab-proof vest won’t do it. I have not heard of criminals using knives in recent times (except for the “normal” family violence type assaults”. Robbers here use AK-47’s or 9mm pistols!
Man

Bubba’s pretty much right. Imo if you were wearing one of these and you were attacked with a knife, they’d just stab you in the neck, or in the waist under the vest.

This product just boils down to scare tactics used to sell crap to influential morons. Please don’t give the producers any money!

Rather take that $70 and donate it to education in SA (as if) so that people have less reason to become criminals.
SUE

the suit is flexable = one size fits all
Man

So what if it is?
Rashid

To be honest I do not know why one would even buy one of these vest as if you happen to be mugged in SA there is a higher probability that the mugger will have a gun. So very pointless. It is simply a scare tactic and if you are dumb enough to fall for it that is your problem. Also if you are so ignorant and link events in Angola with SA then I recommend u stay in your house or where u feel safe because I do not care where u come from there are places in ur country u would get stabbed for flauting ur phone or whateva. Its going to be an awesome World cup.