Trying To Find The Common Denominator; Or: The Curse of the Premier League Trophy.

Each day for the last two weeks or so I’ve woken up, done something mildly productive, sauntered to the general vicinity of a laptop and gone to the guardian’s World Cup page with one question: “which star went down today?”. Each day I go with the same hope of Chuckie Sullivan at Will Hunting’s door – the hope of nothing – but hope, as you may know, is the most devious of foul-letter words, and someone typically winds up hurt.
As with curses, we want to know why so as to avoid doing the same.
I’ve pondered the reasons behind, and most center around the media because as anyone knows: the media’s to blame for everything. The Vanity Care cover has done no favors – why would they take out Drogba instead of the world’s most detested player, Cristiano? – and the Am I Collective murals are of equal help, but a few sentences this morning triggered something:
There was David Beckham’s tendon tear back in March, there’s Michael Essien’s messed up knee, Michael Ballack’s ankle, Rio Ferdinand’s knee ligaments, Lassana Diarra with complications from sickle-cell anemia, and many more. Portugal’s Nani joined those guys on the definitely out of action list today with a collarbone injury. On top of that you’ve got Didier Drogba’s fractured forearm, Andrea Pirlo’s questionable calf and Arjen Robben’s hamstring injury.
Another name comes in the form of John Mikel Obi, which has come as a severe blow to those who were looking forward to rearranging his name for a week or so.
Injuries happen, particularly when so much heavy training is instituted amidst games in the weeks before a World Cup. However, this year has gone above and beyond, particularly with the stars, the names in lights. If we’d heard that Heiko Westermann, Rene Adler, Jozy Altidore and whomever else had wound up injured, it’d be business as usual. And thus there are the stars.
Going back to the trigger, the obvious link is Chelsea, but that’s not it – at least not entirely. There’s also the factor of Manchester United with Rio, David and Nani present, so it evolves into something of a Manchester United and Chelsea curse. This might lead one to believe Michel Platini is bounding around World Cup training pitches piping players in the knee in a “Just Say No To Child Trafficking” t-shirt. We cannot rule this out.
But the curse most rooted in practicality, outside of Andrea Pirlo (clearly there just to throw us off the scent), comes in that every single one of those players has lifted the Premier League trophy, either with ManU or Chelsea. Rio, David, Ballack, Mikel, Drogba, Robben, Eddien, Nani. All Premier League winners, all have hoisted the trophy, all some of the biggest names in the world.
Today it’s merely theory, but wait until tomorrow, or the next day, when the latest name off the injury assembly line is stuck at home watching the games with the Premier League winner’s medal in the cabinet next to the television.
Or just wait until Wayne Rooney’s inevitable broken metatarsal.
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