Thou Shalt Pray For Thy World Cup Victory

May 24th, 2010 | by: chris | View Comments

You know it’s going to be an awfully good week when your Monday morning intertube coasting takes you to the Church of England official website, even if you’re a bit disappointed the whole thing isn’t written on proper papyrus scroll and unleashed onto the world wide as a scanned image file.

Without apparently much else to pray for at the moment – that “peace on earth” mantra has been falling on deaf ears for quite some time – the Church of England has written three prays specifically for the World Cup. A nice gesture, but not really my cup of Jesus.

Two are for those who care about the World Cup; the third is for those who wish to avoid 25 to life in the local pen six months in a mental rehabilitation facility.

It’s much less fun than anticipated too. There are no lines wishing for a Wayne Rooney hat trick, Fabio Capello lifting the World Cup trophy along with the Picasso and Matisse he lifted from Paris, or for someone to point John Terry in the general direction of international class defending.

Prayers for all those involved in the World Cup

Lord of all the nations, who played the cosmos into being,

guide, guard and protect all who work or play in the World Cup.

May all find in this competition a source of celebration,

an experience of common humanity and

a growing attitude of generous sportsmanship to others.

Amen.

God of the nations, who has always called his people to be a blessing for the world, bless all who take part in the World Cup.

Smile on South Africa in her hosting,

on the nations represented in competition and

on those who travel to join in the party.

Amen.

A prayer for those simply not interested

Lord, as all around are gripped with World Cup fever,

bless us with understanding,

strengthen us with patience and

grant us the gift of sympathy if needed.

Amen.

Let it be known that the prayer for those observing the inanity is merely the more verbose religious incarnation of “serenity now”.