The World Cup Round of 16 Draft for Eliminated Players

June 26th, 2010 | by: Daryl | Comments (9)

With the group stage of World Cup 2010 over, we have to say goodbye to 16 of the 32 teams. That’s 368 players whose World Cup adventure is finished just two weeks after it began. Which is a shame, because some of those players deserve to stay and play in South Africa, and some of the surviving Round of 16 teams could use their services.

So taking our cue from Dave Chapelle’s Racial Draft, Chris and myself formed an impromptu World Cup 2010 Draft Committee, and allocated one player from each eliminated team to each of the 16 remaining teams. Here are our picks:

Argentina: Nemanja Vidic (Serbia)
Nothing wrong with Argentina’s defence so far, but pairing the shaven head and scary face of Nemanja Vidic with the shaven head and scary face of Walter Samuel proved irresistible.

Brazil: Andrea Pirlo (Italy)
Dunga is clearly unwilling to deviate from his double defensive midfielder formation, and so the Brazilian public are left complaining in vain about the lack of beautiful football. Andrea Pirlo solves both problems. He can sit deep in Dunga’s formation, but he can also play some pretty football.

Chile: David Suazo (Honduras)
Chile already has Humberto Suazo, but is still in need of goals. Clearly La Roja need to double their Suazo.

England: Diego Benaglio (Switzerland)
This was arguably the most obvious choice. England needs a goalkeeper that people will respect, and Diego Benaglio has had an outstanding tournament. Now all Fabio Capello needs is a time machine and he can pick Benaglio to play in goal vs USA instead of Rob Green.

Germany: Taye Taiwo (Nigeria)
Germany’s most obvious weakness appears to be left back, where Jogi Loew has so far tried young Holger Badstuber and Jerome Boateng (who seems to be more of a centre back), but Taiwo is an experienced international left back with a rocket launcher for a left foot.

Ghana: Samuel Eto’o (Cameroon)
Ghana needs goals. Though the Black Stars made the Round of 16, they’ve so far failed to score from open play. Asamoah Gyan penalty kicks will only take you so far. Having Samuel Eto’o playing ahead of that talented Ghanaian midfield will take you much further.

Japan: Jong-Tae Se (North Korea)
Jong was the North Korean striker who blubbed through the national anthem in North Korea’s first game, but he was actually born in Japan to South Korean parents. This will be something of a homecoming.

Mexico: Jeremy Toulalan (France)
French players didn’t exactly cover themselves in glory this World Cup, but Toulalan looked a steady presence anchoring the midfield. Mexico could use some of that. Plus his grey hair might make Cuauhtémoc Blanco feel a little younger.

Netherlands: Dennis Rommedahl (Denmark)
Arjen Robben might be back from injury, but you know that hamstring will snap again the second Robben does anything above a jog. Dennis Rommedahl is the perfect spare.

Paraguay: Alexandros Tzorvas (Greece)
Justo Villar may be Paraguay’s captain. But Greece keeper Tzorvas kept the score down in Group B, and somehow stopped Leo Messi from scoring.

Portugal: Didier Drogba (Ivory Coast)
Portugal has needed a powerful centre forward for longer than I can remember. Now they have Didier Drogba. Someone pass them the World Cup.

South Korea: Siphiwe Tshabalala (South Africa)
Not an obvious fit, but we like to think Tshabalala would be welcomed into this South Korea team with open arms, and that scrunchy sales on Seoul will increase 1,000%.

Slovakia: Robert Koren (Slovenia)
Because casual World Cup viewers think Koren’s been playing for Slovakia all along.

Spain: Nadir Belhadj (Algeria)
Current Spain left back Joan Capdevila is not a bad footballer. He might even be a better footballer than Algeria’s left back But we think Vicente Del Bosque should at least have the option to deploy Nadir Belhadj instead, since Belhadj’s forward excursions are way more exciting than anything Capdevila has to offer.

Uruguay: Tim Cahill (Uruguay Australia)
Seems odd that Uruguay have been playing Diego Forlan behind two strikers. I’d prefer to see Forland further forward, and Cahill in La Celeste’s attacking midfield role.

USA: Ryan Nelsen (New Zealand)
Big American defender Oguchi Onyewu has not looked his best for the USA. So much so that he was dropped for the game against Algeria. But similarly sized New Zealand captain Nelsen impressed every time he played for the All Whites. Also, Nelsen spent four seasons in MLS with DC United, so should be able to fit in the US squad without disrupting team spirit.

For the record, there wasn’t a system of who picked first or anything. It was just a case of matching players with teams. And I’m sure you disagree with us already. So who do you think should have gone where?