The World Cup Dive Team XI

June 4th, 2010 | by: chris | View Comments

For all the wonderment of the World Cup, there will be scandal – and not of the FIFA variety (though perhaps that too). No, the players will be involved, and they shall dive. Oh they shall dive: with grace, with flair and with complete lack of self-respect. So below we have compiled the World Cup dive team, just like diving: no rules, just bad taste.

Poetically, it’s a 4-1-3-2, thus a little top heavy and imbalanced.

No kiddin’, eh?

First off, the important part: this is how you can spot a dive from the comforts of your living room couch, you simulation sleuths.

A four-point referees’ guide to “diving” was unveiled by British psychologist Dr. Paul Morris, detailing how players make a spectacle of themselves to win a penalty or earn an opponent a yellow or red card.
The main obvious signs are:
– Clutching their body where they have not been hit;
– Taking an extra roll when they hit the ground;
– Taking fully controlled strides after being tackled before falling;
– Holding up both arms in the air, with open palms, chest thrust out, legs bent at the knee in an “archer’s bow” position.

For examples, enjoy our tutorial with very special guest speakers from last year.

Now without further ado, the floaties-wearin’, speedo-snappin’, diving board-livin’, everything-shavin’ World Cup Dive Team …

Iker Casillas
Dani Alves, Lucio, Sergio Busquets, Ashley Cole
Steven Gerrard
Luis Suarez, Kun Aguero, Cristiano Ronaldo (Captain)
Alberto Gilardino, Robin van Persie.

(These are just examples – many, many more have yet to make YouTube.)

Hundreds, maybe even thousands, deserving of a spot on the team have been left off, but alas, tis a part of the game nowadays.

But if any aspiring World Cup participants in the crowd would like to take the quick n’easy route to the world’s grandest gala, here’s the charlatan’s manual (no paper):