The Summer’s Next Blockbuster: “Kill Paul Octopus”

July 22nd, 2010 | by: chris | Comments (3)

Between being named the honorary friend of a Spanish town which holds an annual octopus festival and Russian betting syndicates attempting to purchase his special powers, Paul’s plate is getting rather full. Not just of mollusks, but of opportunities the most limelight-hungry celebrity could only dream of.

So clearly he doesn’t have time right now for such things as movies, which is why a Chinese film company was forced to cast an ‘actor’ in his stead for the upcoming “comic suspense” Kill Paul Octopus.

It’s a good thing this all hasn’t become ridiculous yet.

The Chinese comic suspense film “Kill Paul Octopus,” about the well-known German psychic octopus known for his precognitive abilities will open in China in August, ifeng.com reports.

The film was originally named as “Ran Qing Shi Jie Bei” (The Legend of World Cup), but director Xiao Jiang changed the name when an octopus in Germany named Paul predicted the results of several football matches.

“We planned several topics to shoot about, like black horses, prediction results, gambling, misjudges, terrorism and football hooligans. And we chose to shoot the prediction results when the amazing prophet Paul appeared,” said Xiao Jiang.

Xiao Jiang said they have sent invitations to the aquarium in Germany inviting Paul to attend the film premiere in China. The octopus appearing in this film is an ‘actor’ who looks similar to Paul.

Judging by the fact that they switched themes mid-filming, this obvious cinematic masterpiece has the low, low ceiling of being about as good as anything Adam Sandler has ever done.

But tell me you won’t at least sneak a peak on YouTube in late August after it’s come out just to see who exactly – besides the Germans and anyone who bet against him – is trying to kill Paul Octopus. And that, ladies and gents, is the genius behind it all.

A film destined to be so successful Paul’s agent Chris Davis – no really, he has one, even if “Chris” is really just a starfish – will be fielding calls left and right for the world’s hottest dish, whose latest celeb endeavor is buffing up his image by saving sea turtles off the coast of Greece. You really can’t make this stuff up.

It’s good to be Paul.