Ten Fearless Knockout Round Predictions

June 25th, 2010 | by: chris | View Comments

The knockouts are upon us in the strangest World Cup in recent memory – just take a look at the teams participating.

With the knockouts the absurdity will begin which, if the groups are any sort of indication, may mean South Africa will be swallowed into the Earth roundabout the semifinals. Fortunately, we’ve got the whole thing planned out just in case.

Ten (somewhat) fearless predictions:

I. Spain will score a goal.

It sounds awfully cheap, doesn’t it? But Portugal have yet to concede in this World Cup, only one of two teams to do so, and have only shipped two in the last calendar year. That’s a pretty impressive defensive record – which won’t last.

II. Uruguay will make the semifinals.

This might be cheap too, given the competition they have – one of Uruguay, South Korea, Ghana or the US will make the semis. They’ve still looked a properly good football team with a solid defense, no goals conceded, a very sound midfield and an attack which can find goals from nothing, spearheaded by Diego Forlan and Luis Suarez. but perhaps most importantly: they’ve showed tactical versatility with quality. They can roll with the opponent.

(Until Brazil rolls them.)

III. No more than one European team will make it through to the semifinals.

It’s been a very poor showing for club football’s biggest continent, and it’s about to get worse: all six European teams play one another in the round of 16, which means only three will make it to the quarterfinals. Two teams standing in their way to the semifinals include Argentina and Brazil, with only the winner of Portugal and Spain facing Paraguay or Japan.

You can guess which team we’re betting on.

IV. England will lose on PKs.

England, meet your worst nightmare (not named Ricardo):

V. Argentina will win a game with ten men.

It might be Mexico, or it might not. Regardless, they will go down to ten men and they will win a game…as Diego Maradona takes off defenders and fires on attackers, not understanding the concept.

The early money’s on Gabriel Heinze. Any takers?

VI. Japan will beat Paraguay; Takeshi Okada will be offered contract renewal.

Paraguay’s looked good, but Japan’s looked better by the game, and that’s dangerous. They’ve even found out how to get the ball into the back of the net with regularity – just win a deadball situation from 35 yards on in. They’re defensively excellent, tactically disciplined and the greatest example of “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts” at this World Cup. They’re also better than any team Paraguay has faced thus far.

And it’ll earn Okada his chance to move on if he so chooses, just weeks after he offered his resignation. (Will they get to the semifinals? Well…)

VII. David Villa will win the Golden Boot.

Cheap!

Yes, but it’s true. (With six – that better?)

VIII. A game will be decided on an erroneous offside decision; FIFA will still dismiss video replay.

Any candidates for the game? Netherlands versus Slovakia sounded decent enough until Arjen Robben got a run out; now keeping that to one goal seems impossible. Maybe Argentina versus Mexico? Nah, seems like Messi will create enough – and finally score a goal (bonus!) – in order to fend off nasty one goal victories.

How about Spain versus Portugal? And it’ll be Villa. Which will help him win the scoring prize. (That’s about eight predictions in one. Lap it up.)

IX. Messi will win the Golden Ball, but Argentina won’t win the tournament.

Just like ‘06, the Golden Ball winner will come from a losing team. Unlike ‘06, Messi won’t headbutt a defender on the way off the pitch.

Though it’d be funny to see him nail someone mid-thigh.

X. It will still be just like watchin’ Brazil.

Watching them hoist a trophy, that is. Both Daryl and I picked them to start, and nothing’s changed. They’ve still go all the right pieces – particularly if Felipe Melo picks up a key suspension.