Argentina Squad Can Have Sex – But Not With Havana Cigars

May 28th, 2010 | by: chris | View Comments

The entire Argentina squad and all its surroundings has descended into pure, unadultered lunacy. All of it. Much, of course, is down to their head honcho, the soon-not-to-be-naked Diego Maradona, who is as influential off the pitch as he was on, just in all the wrong ways. Or right ways, depending on your vantage point.

With so much on the line at the World Cup, a meeting of some sort was held (we presume – these type of decisions can’t be made on a whim) to determine whether or not the Argentina squad could rustle up the sheets during the world’s greatest tournament. You love this sport, don’t you?

The answer is a resounding yes, with a few caveats.

Team doc Dr. Donato Vallani:

“The players can have sex with their wives and girlfriends during the World Cup,” he said on Radio Del Plata. “Players are not Martians.”

“But,” he added, “it should not be at 2 a.m. with champagne and Havana cigars.”

Does Donato know something about Martians that we don’t? Is he holding out on society? Are they some sort of asexual race? Or are they perfectly capable of abstinence whilst hurtling through space for millions of light years at a time? What’s up, doc?

Since this is a family site, we won’t get into the mechanics of sex and the Havana cigar, but Bill Clinton, the freshly anointed honorary chairman of US bids for 2018 & 2022, can’t be happy about this development.

Meanwhile, Dr. Vallani requested we close with these words: