Unlicensed World Cup Products will Kill You

As if we didn’t already have enough to worry about. First there is the increased risk of injury while watching football matches at home. Next there is the increased risk of having your heart stop while watching the World Cup. Now there are warnings that the cheap, imitation World Cup gear you buy could catch on fire while you are wearing it and make you feel worse than a Polish keeper in a friendly.

According to a talking mouth with the European Commission’s tax and customs unit, unlicensed World Cup products are more toxic than the thought of Germany being eliminated in group play.

“There is a high risk for your own safety if you buy some of those products. People can get sick, injured or even worse,” said John Pulford.

“It’s not just the jerseys and scarves which burn very quickly, they are very dangerous and can cause rashes, but stuff like bars of chocolate which we don’t know where they came from or what’s in them or lighters which are not child-proof.”

While the cheap items might kill you, the officially licensed 2006 FIFA World Cup™ products will undoubtedly keep you safe even if it breaks your bank and even if that means you are helping Sepp Blatter make a down payment on his third vacation home.

The golden exception to this rule, of course, is the tournament’s official beer Budweiser. The swill will kill you if you drink it, but might come in handy if your shirt catches on fire and you need to douse yourself with water.

I’ll be reporting more on the safety of unlicensed products when I get to Germany and meet up with my mate Nick who is bringing all kinds of knock-off stuff from Indonesia. It beats waiting around for my Angola kit, which still hasn’t been bloody shipped. Bastards.

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