The Oldest Ball vs. The Golden Ball

April 26th, 2006 | by: WC Bob | View Comments

Two historic footballs will be on display at the World Cup in Germany. The first is one you have undoubtedly heard about already – the much ballyhooed Team Zeitgeist Golden Ball, which will only be used in the championship game. The second ball is a little less well known these days, but it was the golden ball of its day. We’re talking about the oldest known football, a 450-year-old sphere (pictured left) that will be on display at the Museum fur Volkerkunde in Hamburg. We’ve had the chance to do a kick about with both balls and here is how they compare.

Roundness

The Golden Ball claims to be the roundest ball ever made and after a couple of minutes of Bending it like Bob we found this roundness to be kind of annoying. It rolled way too pure and every time we kicked it we felt guilty for making it less and less round. The Oldest Ball makes no such claim because frankly the thing is probably the squarest ball ever made. Every time we kicked it we felt like we were helping to make it rounder. Imagine the spin Ronaldinho could put on this baby. Advantage: The Oldest Ball

Sweat Shop Labor
All of the Team Zeitgeist balls are being made by factory workers in Thailand, except for The Golden Ball. This is being stitched together by laborers in Germany. Meanwhile, The Oldest Ball was made back in the days when slave labor was actually performed by slaves. Think of the cost savings if there were still slaves today. Advantage: The Oldest Ball

Materials

The Golden Ball is made from the latest synthetic materials that have been used by astronauts in outer space. The Oldest Ball is made from a pig’s bladder and the cover constructed from pieces of thick leather, possibly deer, and tightly laced together. We don’t think we need to tell you which one would taste better if you were stranded on a deserted island and forced to eat a ball for survival. Advantage: The Oldest Ball

Scots

The Golden Ball is being reserved for use in the championship match only and will be used by the winning nation for the next four years. This means a Scot will never touch the ball. The Oldest Ball was the property of the biggest Scot of all, Mary Queen of Scots. There isn’t proof that Mary ever kicked the ball, but we find the odds that she did better than the odds of Scotland ever qualifying for another World Cup. Advantage: The Oldest Ball

Conclusion

Millions of dollars have been spent to make The Golden Ball the roundest and most marketable football in history. A few pigs and a deer or two were spent making The Oldest Ball the oldest and most remarkable football in history. Clearly The Oldest Ball is cooler and it should be used in this year’s final!