The Mystery of World Cup Music

As one of the world’s biggest know-it-alls, even I have to admit that there are some things I won’t ever be able to explain. Try as I might, I can’t give a lucid explanation of how to build a nuclear bomb. I also can’t understand why I still have dreams about Hristo Stoichkov. It’s not like I think the guy is hot or that I have even seen him play in the past five years. I’ll never figure out why so many people like the Croatia tablecloth kits. But perhaps the biggest mystery of all is why people in England care so much about their team’s official World Cup theme song.

For those of you who don’t spend all of your day reading World Cup headlines, the basic story is that after months of speculation and lobbying, England’s Football Association has selected a band named Embrace to sing the official team song.

This has led to an outrage in England that is usually reserved for poll taxes and the Irish. Just today, for example, New Order bassist Peter Hook issued this scathing statement:

“It’s a travesty. We’re going to get some middle-of-the-road weepy ballad. That’s not going to get anyone singing along on the terraces is it. Embrace just don’t do it for me. They should have got Arctic Monkeys with (soccer player) Wayne Rooney rapping along, otherwise the FA should just have re-issued World In Motion.”

Those are some pretty harsh words from a band that used to make my high school girlfriend weep.

Of course there are some people who simply aren’t going to sit back and take it so they are issuing their own World Cup songs. My bratwurst eating buddy Oliver is hyped because Joe Fagin has recorded a World Cup version of the classic ‘That’s Livin’ Alright.’

No word yet on whether the Beatles are coming out with a song for Germany 2006.

Perhaps some of you can help explain this mystery to me. Why do you care about your team’s World Cup song? Are you less excited as a fan if the official song sucks? And how do you go about building a nuclear bomb?