Tank Lovers Might be disappointed at World Cup

It is too bad that Germany didn’t host the World Cup in 1914 or in 1939 because a couple of wars might have been prevented. Since tanks are pretty darn scary to most of the people in this world, German football officials say they are leary about the thought of having tanks stationed outside stadiums during the World Cup.

“Tanks around the stadiums would not be in the spirit of things, in my opinion,” said Theo Zwanziger, head of the football federation. “We want people to celebrate with us. If there are tanks in the background as a precaution that sort of atmosphere is not going to work.”

This is, of course, a delicate tap dance for Germany as it must prepare for the possibility of violence during the World Cup, while also trying to be sensitive to its history.

In related news today, tank manufactures announced that they are going to start a new campaign to help people become familiar with the “positive things that tanks bring to the world” as well as the “warm and tender side of tanks.” A cartoon featuring a talking tank named Ted will be made in the next few months and will be shown in elementary schools in 123 countries helping to instill the notion that tanks are cool and that they do much, much more than simply kill people. If successful, a similiar campaign will be launched featuring “Landmine Larry” and “Bomber Bill”.

Ted the Tank, bringing joy to children around the world.