Sepp Blatter is not too Busy for World Cup Blog

In the UK, the Times newspaper has been pushing a campaign to try to rid football of diving. The paper had its feelings hurt recently when FIFA head Sepp Blatter said he was “too busy” to back the campaign. Considering that all it would take is Sepp putting his signature on a piece of paper, the man must be really, really busy. World Cup Blog recently set out to learn what exactly Sepp Blatter does and why the man is so busy. We sent our interns to Geneva where they secretly followed Blatter for an entire day.

8am – Sepp’s alarm clock goes off. He hits the snooze button three times before rolling out of bed. He has terrible bedhead hair and his breath leaves a lot to be desired.

9am – Freshly showered, Sepp sits down for a manicure and massage from his personal masseuse Guiseppe and we can report that he receives total body relaxation.

10:30am – Blatter checks in with Jack Warner to make sure that the FIFA ticket scam is well under control. Warner reports that they are both going to make millions from World Cup ticket sales. Blatter, in his Swiss accent, does his best Montgomery Burns imitation by exclaiming, “Excelllllent.” Jack Warner does not laugh. Sepp’s feelings are hurt.

11:00am – To get over the disappointing rejection by Warner, Blatter drives to his Swiss bank and checks out his account, which has more money in it than the combined Gross Domestic Products of Angola, Togo and Ghana.

12:00 pm – Siesta time. It has been a hard day. Sepp takes a little snooze and does some AOL instant messaging with his friends. They joke about exploiting more African nations in 2010 and how they were able to fix it so Argentina will never win another World Cup ever again. Sepp likes to use emoticons.

3:00pm - Sepp logs on to World Cup Blog and learns that no one likes him.

3:30pm – After another massage by Guiseppe, Sepp is able to get over the rejection of the entire football-loving world.

4:45pm – Blatter makes a phone call to unnamed high ranking FIFA officials. Our interns could not hear the full audio but they did hear Sepp utter the words “We must do everything possible to make sure Brazil wins in Germany.”

6:00pm – Sepp meets with German officials to discuss the safety of the stadiums. Downing bourbon from the bottle and smoking cigars that were a present from Fidel Castro, Blatter convinces himself that the stadiums are safe, especially since he won’t be stepping foot near any of them.

7:45pm – A late dinner is followed by another relaxing massage from Guiseppe.

8:42pm – Sepp decides to cancel the World Cup opening gala. He has been gaining weight lately and is afraid he won’t look good if he has to wear a tuxedo.

9:03pm – Sepp receives an angry phone call from movie star/musician David Hasselhoff who was banking on a World Cup gala appearance to restart his otherwise dormant singing career. Blatter is saddened that the Hoff is now part of the legions who don’t like him.

10:00pm – Another massage and it is lights out for the Czar of the football world. Oh the nightmares he must have…

	Soccer Forums	International Results			Travel