Red and Yellow Cards of the World Cup Week

The kids next door stole our toys so we’re in a grumpy mood this week. We don’t have time for mere cautions so there will be no yellow cards doled out today. No, this time around we are getting serious. From England to Ghana to Japan, players, coaches and fans must be shown nothing but red.

Red card to those in the English camp who wear clothes. You’re in Germany, the sun will be out so do as we do and let it all hang out.

Red card to soccer players in the United States. Sure you might be hurting for money and sure you might be in need of some publicity, but for the love of God show some self-respect and turn down that offer to pose like pretty boys.

Red card to censorship. The folks in Ghana should let the “Grandmaster” speak for himself, while those who run FIFA should let the journalists do their jobs.

Red card to bad odors. Now that the Ecuador line of perfume is available there’s no excuse for not smelling like freshly cut grass in April.

Red card to Japan’s Boots. You would think the country could afford some quality shoes for its players or simply have its teams play with no boots at all.

Red card to clubs in Saudi Arabia. Teams in the Kingdom are more concerned with themselves than with the progress of their players. Hard to fathom it, but Saudi Arabia has only had two players play in Europe. That’s two players ever! The country doesn’t lack for talent but it does lack direction at both the club and national levels.

Red card to those who want to give Sweden’s Alexander Ostlund the nickname “Jesus.” The bearded one clearly should be called Captain Caveman.