LiveBlog: USA vs. Jamaica April 11

Hey, we’re having a grand old time blogging while the match is being played. Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments and rants….

Full time 1-1 final. US looks dreadful. Jamaica looks dreadful. Tony Meola should never, ever play for the US again. After losing 4-1 to Germany and drawing against Jamaica the US is now ranked 3rd in the world. Thanks for joining in folks. I’m sorry that you spent the last 90 minutes watching that.

95:07 Donovan fouled outside the box. One last chance. 20 yards out. Donovan over the ball. Deflected over the crossbar. US has a corner. Seventh minute of stoppage time. Corner poor and game over.

93:44 I would never, ever mess with Clint Dempsey. Dude looks ready to snap at any moment.

92:24 Jamaica giving Meola a heart attack. Ching is useless.

90:00 Four minutes of stoppage. That is just cruel and unusual punishment. And I just ran out of beer. Oh the horror.

89:07 Ben Olsen is the Sierra Mist Man of the Match. That folks says all you need to know about this game.

87:48 Jamaica free kick from 45 yards out. Way over the crossbar. If only Meola kicked like that when he tried out for the Jets.

83:23 Jamaica almost scores. Meola very dramatic with the dive. This is the 5th ranked team in the world?

82:41 Meola might be asked to play keeper for both teams.

81:10 Rickets on the ground assuming the position. Amputate!

79:10 Anybody remember the Jamaica bobsled team? They were a bunch of hacks too.

75:36 Rickets is a deficiency of Vitamin D which is also known by many other names like Osteomalacia, Renal Osteodystrophy, Paediatric Osteomalacia, Vitamin D deficiency and Renal Rickets. This disease involves softening and weakening of bones in children due to deficiency of Vitamin D. This softening occurs from a loss of the mineral calcium from the skeleton as a result of which bones become flexible and gradually are molded by forces, such as bearing weight, that are exerted on them. This condition could lead to deformities of the body structure.

74:22 After being kicked in the nuts and landing on his face, Albright’s header is saved incredibly by Ricketts.

72:51 Albright gets kicked in the genital area and then he gets destroyed on a tackle by the pineapple hair dude. Jamaica showing it is Nigeria in disguise.

< strong>70:00 Jamaica with more subs. There entire team is named Johnson. Except for Ricketts, our new favorite terrible keeper.

68:24 What if John O’Brien is 85% fit? How about 91.7%? Would you take him if he were only 92.3%? There must be a math equation to figure out whether they should take him to Germany.

67:00 John O’Brien on for Noonan. He doesn’t get hurt after giving Noonan a high five.

66:16 Daley dives in the box and looks like he has been shot by an AK-47

64:24 Hejduk falls down in the box. Was he cut down by his hair? Looked like a dive. Donovan with the in swinger. A former announcer would have mentioned “climbing the ladder”

62:12 Shout out to all the folks in Kearney, NJ. Thanks for giving us Meola, Tab Ramos, Claudio Reyna, John Harkes

60:13 Wholesale changes for Jamaica. Dempsey and Donovan are the two class players the US have out there tonight. Still 1-1

58:05 You guys want to see John O’Brien but those hair extensions he’s wearing are killing me.

55:49 What is this bubble that Shelly Smith and gang keep talking about? Poor trainer has to spend his time rubbing Ralston’s groin and can’t even watch the game.

54:27 Dempsey in for Ralston. Have to say that Ralston won’t be going to Germany. Simply hasn’t impressed in these friendlies.

53:11 Albright stoned by Ricketts on the header. Albright has been a “terror” in the air.

51:24 Jamaica’s Motto: Out of many, one people. Excellent motto is you ask me.

49:39 Good God, please don’t ever let me listen to Tony Meola speak again. Can’t we give him the rocking chair and send him on his way?

47:24 For those scoring at home we switched over to a Terminal Gravity IPA. My fingers are much, much happier.

46:33 More talk of Meola’s delusions. If the World Cup had a country from New Jersey he still wouldn’t be playing.

45:10 Start of second half. Eddie Johnson and Brian Ching in at forward. Jamaica’s keeper is abysmal.

Useless Halftime Trivia: Cobi Jones, 164; Jeff Agoos, 134; Marcelo Balboa, 128; Paul Caligiuri, 110; Claudio Reyna, 108; Eric Wynalda, 106; Earnie Stewart, 101, and Joe-Max Moore, 100 and now Tony Meola have 100 caps.

Halftime 1-1 score. Bennet the goal for Jamaica, Olsen the goal for the US. I’m going to get some beer other than Red Stripe. I’ll be back before the start of the second half.

44:10 Stadium is full in Cary, NC but boy is it quiet there. Someone needs to tell those folks to make a little noise.

42:49 Donovan finds Wolff who scores but he is offside. Still 1-1

40:47 Ralston and Twellman hook up but Taylor is offside. My guess is Bruce is going to take these guys into the locker room and beat the crap out of them. We’ll see a different US team in the second half.

38:12 The more I watch the US the more I think they are screwed if Claudio Reyna isn’t able to play at the World Cup.

36:07 For those just joining us it is 1-1. You are lucky you missed the first 35 minutes of this one.

34:32 Bodies all over the pitch. It looks like carnage out there. That Olsen goal sure was soft. Go hard or get hurt. Man, this Red Stripe is not pleasing me.

33:12 Daley gets yellow card for tackling Donovan. Landon needs to get a deal promoting Rogaine.

31:44 Someone get Noonan some new underpants. His shorts just got dropped on the pitch. Jamaica is indeed a “formidable”opponent.

30:00 Noonan limping around hurt. Credit to Josh Wolff for playing 30 without an injury.

27:21 Landon Donovan the all-time US leader in assists. Jamaica sub. Obligatory Cobi Jones mention.

26:26 Cello: “He needs to get used to getting used the hitting hit of the World Cup” I couldn’t agree more.

25:00 Goal US. Ben Olsen scores. I told you he’d score. Bad keeping. 1-1

23:58 Looking forward to seeing John O’Brien play a bit, but really he needs to do something about his hair.

22:32 You know, Red Stripe isn’t that great a beer.

20:08 This not a very pretty game for either team. The mere presence of Meola has the US playing like it did in the early 90s.

17:15 Dodgy Jamaican keeping off the corner kicks by Donovan. Kids watching at home, this is not how you are supposed to play goalkeeper.

14:58 Glenn Davis: “It seems like Jamaica is doing a good job gettin behind the ball.” Followed by a deafening silence from Cello…

13:15 Jamaica keeper Ricketts fouled by Twellman. I think that guy has been in net for Jamaica as long as Meola has played for US.

11:53 Meola with a weak shot save. Meola thinks he might get a WC call. Tony has been smokin too much of Jamaica’s finest if he thinks he gets a spot in Germany.

10:34 US controlling the ball. Jamaica looks happy to sit back and wait for Hejduk to f*ck up like he always does. Mad credit to Reese for his hair. Hejduk should have gotten a red. Cello is right.

8:33 Bruce Arena shot on the sideline. I like the casual look. Shows off his belly. We’ve been told now that Bruce is the greatest US coach ever. Steve Sampson is pissed somewhere.

7:10 Twellman with the foul. Looks like he is starting to grow a little mohawk. See Clint Mathis circa 2002 for what could be in store this summer.

5:48 Pope with a header over the crossbar. Be warned, Shelly Smith is going to be doing sideline reports during the World Cup. Thanks God I’ll be in Germany.

4:47 Obviously Meola has been affected by that 100th cap ceremony. Otherwise he wouldn’t have looked like a 47 year old on that goal.

3:43 Goal by Jamaica. That is the Tony Meola from 1989! Bennett goal. 1-0 Reggae Boyz

2:35 Ralston with the attack forward and shot by Ben Olsen. Told you these bums would have good games.

:55 Jamaica in fine terrible form giving Josh Wolff a nice chance at an early goal.

Kickoff: We’re underway from the high school stadium in Cary, NC. Somewhere Jesse Helms is rolling in his grave that the commie sport is being played in his state. Lovely pitch for a game though.

Starting lineups Jamaica going with a 4-4-2. US formation below. Can anyone explain why, as Glenn Davis says, this is a night of importance for Jamaica? Do they still think they can qualify for the World Cup?

Coverage begins Glenn Davis and Cello are calling this one. Ralston and Noonan are spotlighted as guy who need to do well. What the hell happened to John O’Brien’s hair? The Latin American rubber band look just doesn’t suit him. He’ll get hurt combing that moptop.

10-minute countdown Continuing in its tradition of excellence, ESPN2 is offering a pregame show of talking heads talking about everything but soccer. They are chatting about Ricky Williams though. I imagine he is a big fan of Jamaica.

More Pre-game: Looking at Arena’s starting XI I can’t help but think he has done this to spite me. Frankie Hejduk and Ben Olsen are two players that should be traded to American Samoa and never, ever wear a US uniform again. They’ll both probably score tonight. Steve Ralston is also a guy I could live without seeing in Germany. Over/under on Josh Wolff getting hurt: 17 minutes.

US Starting XI: Tony Meola, Frankie Hejduk, Eddie Pope, Pablo Mastroeni, Chris Albright, Steve Ralston, Ben Olsen, Pat Noonan, Landon Donovan, Taylor Twellman, Josh Wolff

Pre-game: We have taken our place on a mysteriously stained futon in the plush World Cup Blog global headquarters basement and are eagerly awaiting Tony Meola’s testimonial match. In honor of the Reggae Boyz we’re drinking Red Stripe this evening. In honor of the 100-capped man from Kearney, NJ, we’ll probably finish the night in a dive bar drinking shitty domestic brew while crying to Bruce Springsteen songs after being rejected by a waitress with Jersey hair. Tomorrow we’ll hit the mall.