How to Avoid Drinking Budweiser at the World Cup
As if being forced to slug back awful American beer at the World Cup stadiums in Germany isn’t bad enough, today we learn that the “King of Beers” will also be the official beer of World Cup 2010 in South Africa. Haven’t the South Africans suffered enough already with that whole Apartheid fiasco?
For those who haven’t had a Bud before, it is a bit like drinking paint thinner. Only it doesn’t taste as good. We thoroughly agree with the German politician Franz Maget who said, “We have a duty to public welfare and must not poison visitors to World Cup venues.” This, my friends, is a greater threat than any Bird Flu.
The solution around this catastrophic situation is to get your drink on early and often. Head to a nearby pub a few hours before the match and enjoy the fine local German or South African beers. When the world starts to feel like it is spinning, it is time to head to the stadium. Along the way stop by a convenience store, buy yourself a flask, fill it with the beverage of your choice, and hide it somewhere on your body (orifices work especially well).
When you stagger into the stadium, make it look like you haven’t been drinking. Put on a smile and make sure to greet the ticket taker in his or her native language. Compliment them on the hospitality of their country. Employ some small talk while they search your bags. The weather is always a good subject to talk about. People love to discuss the weather.
Once inside, order a cup of water. This will probably cost you 25 Euros, but it will be worth it. Head to the loo and dump out the water. Fill the cup with your tasty beverage and enjoy your drink while you watch those around you suffer from the severe abdominal pain that can only come from drinking Bud.
If anyone else have tips for sneaking alcohol into stadiums, please add your comments. Friends don’t let friends drink bad beer!
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