Germany Survival Bible

April 28th, 2006 | by: WC Bob | View Comments

Usually when I have a question about life in Germany I ask my buddy Bense in Dortmund. He is always quick to give me an answer and sometimes he even does so without pointing out my utter and complete ignorance. Another great source for insight into German ways is the Germany Survival Bible, a special feature that is published online by Der Spiegel as part of the build up to the World Cup. Written by expats living in Germany, it has some fairly amusing entries about many of Germany’s quirks and traditions.

One entry that provided me with a better understanding of the land that has produced Jens Lehmann, Jurgen Klinsmann and Oliver Kahn is the one about the secret history of garden gnomes.

Germans like the common garden gnome. Experts estimate that some 25 million of the glazed ceramic creatures now inhabit German living rooms and perfectly manicured flower beds.

But the common garden gnome has fallen on hard times in recent years, his reputation tarnished by campaigns led by mean-spirited elitist intellectuals and even perverts. To intellectuals and other touchy types, he’s despised as the embodiment of kitsch and petit-bourgeois parochialism. Some outsiders have even sought to savage the image of the gnome by plunging him into a world of decadence, violence, and sex. There are pornographic gnomes, one-eared Van Gogh gnomes and “Scream” versions à la Edvard Munch.

There probably is some clever way to tie this back into my normal hard hitting talk about football, but comparing Germany’s defense to a bunch of garden gnomes just seems too cliché.