FIFA Report Laments Injury-Faking Players and Gesticulating Coaches at World Cup

The final FIFA report on the 2006 World Cup is out and the world’s football organizing body expresses its displeasure with some of the theatrics we all witnessed in Germany.

“At this World Cup, the deplorable habit that involves players staying down for no apparent reason after minor collisions, thus causing frequent breaks in play, was increasingly in evidence,” said the report of the FIFA Technical Committee.

“The ensuing attacks by the team in possession were accompanied by wildly gesticulating coaches and assistants on the touchline, protests from the defending team, who often simply stayed where they were, and a reaction from the crowd until such time as the referee stopped the game.”

Despite all of this, FIFA head honcho Sepp Blatter describes the tournament in the report as a “complete success”. There is nary a mention on the Zidane head butt, Jack Warner scandal and the millions of people who died from drinking Budweiser.