Duty-free Items Critical for World Cup Fun

From the counting your chickens before they hatch department, we learn that British Finance Minister Gordon Brown has frozen the duties on England’s sparkling wines in anticipation of a World Cup celebration this summer. We can think of many ways we would want to celebrate, but consuming English champagne would not be very close to the top of the list. In fact, we might prefer cracking open a Budweiser, well, maybe not. But it did get us thinking about some of the things that we think are necessary for us to be able to celebrate the World Cup in proper fashion. We call upon Mr. Brown and all politicians to lift all duties on the following.

1. Brazilian bikinis – Speaking for every man in the world, I think we all agree that those random crowd shots during Brazil’s games are enough to give us pleasant dreams for the entire World Cup. Let’s make these affordable for every female Brazil supporter!

2. Jack Daniels – Really, it is the only thing that will be able to keep us liveblogging for 90 minutes of Tunisia-Saudi Arabia.

3. Soft toys – Critical for throwing at the telly when Oliver Kahn makes an incredible save and/or when we see a close up of his face. For those with high definition televisions this is especially critical.

4. Maradona – Football fans should be able to rent him out by the hour without having to pay excessive taxes. A party isn’t a party unless the D-man is in the house.

5. Haircuts – These need to be affordable for everyone. Poor Ronaldo had to cut his own hair last time and boy did that almost lead to global nuclear war.

What else should we add to this list?