Brazil’s Spies Probe Deep

In a move that can only be applauded by the United States’ National Security Agency, Brazil has admitted to spying on its upcoming World Cup opponents.

Boy you should see some of the information they have unearthed.

Jairo dos Santos and Jairo Leal, two master spies who go by the code names “Jairo” and “Jairo,” have put together extensive dossiers on each of their opponent’s players.

What kind of information have they discovered?

“It’s incredible, Jairo dos Santos has carried out painstaking work on all the teams,” Jairo Leal told the O Estado de Sao Paulo newspaper. “He shows where the player comes from, his age, his weight, and how he’s played over the past few matches. He’s put together an extensive file.”

Finding out a player’s birthplace, age and weight is a truly remarkable achievement in these modern times. It is not like this type of information can be found anywhere. Certainly not on the Internet, especially when you are talking about obscure, technologically inferior countries such as Japan, Croatia and Australia.

No, this type of sleuthing takes boots on the ground and nerves of steel. Is it any wonder why Brazil is the favorite in Germany this summer?

Jairo unearthing the mysteries behind the Socceroos.