Abstinencewatch™: England will lose because of their WAGS

June 25th, 2006 | by: WC Bob |

If England loses today, at least one person will blame it on the WAGS – the players’ wives and girlfriends. Former Ecuador legend Alex “Tri-Color” Aguinaga believes that Ecuador’s strict abstinence-only World Cup policies will give his country the edge over an England team that has been free to canoodle with their significant others.

“The English way is not a good way,” he said. “Having wives and girlfriends around is a distraction which we do not have. The English wives and girlfriends are very famous, I think. They are causing a stir. A circus, I think.

“We have left our wives and girlfriends at home and are more focused. There has been no contact with them since two weeks before the World Cup started. This is our way and this is how we will win.

“I say let the English players spend every night with their girls. This is not the way to perform well. England will lose and it will be their fault.”

While Aguniaga obviously represents the pro-abstinence point of view, a source in the England camp says his team will win because of the WAGS.

“They can say what they want. They’re just jealous they haven’t got their wives and girlfriends out here.

“A sex ban? What’s that all about? Our boys have had us close by and it’s made a massive difference. Morale’s sky high and that’s down to wives and girlfriends.

“Our boys are happy, relaxed and ready to win. They know that if they do, they will be spending the night with their girls. How much of an incentive is that?”

Here at Abstinencewatch™ headquarters we will wait with baited breath to see which side comes out on top. This game is essentially a controlled experiment for us.

Thus far, there have been mixed results with free-to-fraternize teams like Brazil, Germany and England still alive in the competition, as well as the all-work-and-no-play teams like Ukraine and Ecuador.

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Abz

what have these girls done wrong?? noting they have simply been having a nice time as we all do when were on holiday! so why are people slagging them off???
Dave Hamilton

“Our boys are happy, relaxed and ready to win. They know that if they do, they will be spending the night with their girls. How much of an incentive is that?”

LOL. Does that mean that if the limeys lose, their women will spend the night with someone else?

Dave hamildav@yahoo.com
sooz

This from a USA TODAY article:

“It probably ought to be the official sport of the abstinence-until-marriage movement because it values playing footsie over prolific scoring.”
shuai

from Booba :

“si j’avais la thune à Beckham, sa femme serait ma boniche!”

“If I’d got beckham money, his wife would be my cleaning lady”

just a joke ;)
John Smith

England is playing anything but english football. These will be my recommendations……
1. Send the players family home
Get players to concentrate on the game
2. Get the players in the Gym
3. Show them film clips Mexico ball control and have them practice.
4. Get the players to play their heart out like Mexico did.
5. Do not allow players to walk on the pitch during a game.
Sorry guys, but with Ecuador you looked like you were playing a friendly game!
Anton

3. Show them film clips Mexico ball control and have them practice.
4. Get the players to play their heart out like Mexico did.

I don’t think Mexico is a good example of a great football team. Why does everyone keep saying that they are?