Abstinencewatch™: England Players Score after Paraguay Win

June 12th, 2006 | by: WC Bob | View Comments

Somewhere the Ukraine players are grumbling right now. While their coach Oleg Blokhin has promised them that they will be allowed some alone time with their significant others if they reach the semifinals, England coach Sven-Goran Eriksson apparently waived the abstinence rules and allowed his players some fun after their opening match win against Paraguay.

Given the lackluster performance of the English players on the pitch this seems like an unjust reward, but none of the players are complaining. Neither is Sven’s significant other, Nancy Dell’Olio, who explains:

“It is essential to be loved and to make love. Everyone might think that is sex, but I think it can be much more romantic than that. It is much better if it is evolved. Everyone agrees there is nothing better in life — it’s the only thing that makes the world go round right,” she said.

Spoken like someone who will never coach in Ukraine.

We’ll be keeping a close eye to see how this impacts England in their next match against Trinidad and Tobago as well as the impact of their significant others drinking like fish and running up huge bar tabs. Ahhhhh the tabloids….