Dude, Where’s My Car?

Our apologies to our global audience outside the UK, but this is one of those England-centric news days. First there is our exclusive Wayne Rooney oxygen chamber picture. Next there is the rampant speculation over who will replace newly hired coach Steve McClaren. The final story in the trifecta involves David Beckham. Everyone who has seen him play knows he can’t play a lick of defense. It turns out he has no defense against car thieves either.

There are a couple of remarkable elements to this story, the least of which is that Beckham was outsmarted by geeky criminals not once, but twice. There are also a few unanswered questions.

First, what the hell is David Beckham doing eating at a shopping mall? Seriously, have you visited a food court recently? The food is atrocious and the atmosphere is hardly romantic. Maybe it is cool when you are 15 and want to flirt with the pimply faced girl behind the counter, but Becks already has a pimply faced wife. England fans should also be highly concerned about the possibility of food poisoning.

Second, how could Beckham’s car only cost $60,000? That is mere chump change compared to what some of his contemporaries are spending for their pimped out rides. Did he go for a BMW model that doesn’t include cup holders? Maybe he chose an 8-track over a CD player? Seems like a cheap replacement for that armor plated car he lost a few months back and for the one that sold on Ebay last year.

Third, why haven’t the police contacted the best crime solvers around to find the car thieves?

Fourth, why the heck do we know so much about Beckham’s cars? Does this mean we real do have no life?

Please don’t answer question #4.

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