We can all breathe easier now that FIFA has an ethics committee

The FIFA ethics committee met for the first time Monday and pledged to address corruption, doping, racism and match fixing in football.

After that they will find a cure for cancer, eliminate poverty and bring peace to the Middle East.

The committee, which was created by FIFA but is said to be independent of the organization, is headed by the former miler Sebastian Coe, who moonlights as the head of London’s Olympics Organizing Committee. He must really enjoy attending meetings and listening to people like FIFA head honcho Sepp Blatter say with a straight face:

“Association football is the most popular sport in the world … but its popularity has also attracted some of the dangers and vices of our modern society, including corruption, doping, racism, illegal betting and other forms of cheating.”

The committee did not take up the matter of Jack Warner whose illicit conduct will be treated in the usual FIFA fashion, behind closed doors and with his fellow cronies dishing out the punishment.