My disappointment with Zizou is as follows: The man retired from football in July 2006. That’s well over three years ago. Yet despite no longer being a professional footballer, Zinedine Zidane still keeps trying to sell me things, usually things branded with three stripes.

Most recently he’s been fronting the “Every Team Needs…” campaign, which is – no question – an excellent set of ads.

But, aside from the question of whether someone who is no longer a professional footballer should be allowed to tell us which boots to wear (my answer: maybe) I can’t shake the suspicion that Zidane is such a great marketing frontman because we’re all being denied the chance to see him in action.

I know, that sounds a little conspiracy theory-ish. Maybe it is. But hear me out anyway.

My (conspiracy?) theory is that we all still wish Zidane was playing. Vision, touch, roulettes, shiny head, etcetera. We can’t though, because he hung up his boots a few years earlier than he needed to (can you imagine if he’d joined an MLS team instead of retiring in 2006?). As a result of this earlier than (we) wanted retirement, we’re all still desperate for a glimpse of the great man. So, Adidas and Zizou are exploiting our desire to see him back in action and involved with football, by using it to sell us products.

Check out this recent video for an example:

Thousands of Japanese fans poured into a stadium – a stadium! – for the launch of the new Adidas Predator boot. But really they turned up for a glimpse of Zizou in action. I don’t usually watch promo videos (mostly because I can’t afford any new boots) but I still clicked play and sat through it. Because I was hoping to see Zidane in action. Which I did, but only towards the end of the video, after I’d absorbed the three stripe corporate message.

Here’s why our Facebook page might actually be quite good: We’re not going to use our Facebook page just to promote our own content. Of course, we’ll do some of that. But we’ll also use it to post random stuff you won’t find on the blogs and to highlight content from other blogs and websites. Because sharing is caring.

If you like The Offside and WorldCupBlog, then click on over there and become a fan.

After fanning us, you’re welcome to contribute and post to the wall too. Post any football related content you like – links, videos, images, anything. Obviously if you spam us I’ll send people round to break your fingers. But if you’ve got interesting content to share, then get involved and show it to us.

Match practice and team chemistry might be an issue though, as they only play one game a year, a friendly at the Camp Nou in December.

That Johan Cruijff is coaching one exhibition game in an unofficial manner isn’t a big deal. That it’s in Catalonia, home of Barcelona, where he masterminded the rise of the dream team more than 15 years ago, isn’t a big deal either – it’s Johan’s home. But his return to an official football title might beg the question, what’s next?.

Last summer, Cruijff ‘returned’ to Ajax in a technical capacity only to fall out with Marco van Basten before anything could get off the ground. This also came before MvB fell out with himself. At 62, one of football’s greatest minds clearly has a few years left – and much to be said – so it’s possible this may very well be a test to get his feet wet. Or it may be the perfect employment for a 62 year old man: one day a year.

Of course Cruijff and Catalonia doesn’t start and stop with the bench or FC Barcelona. His arrival in Catalonia in 1973 went about changing football culture, and it spawned a documentary just a few years back called En momento un dado (a well-known Cruijff-ism).

It’s a wonderful little look into the heights of near Cruijff-mania, and would do a great deal in explaining what this move to the Catalonia bench means to the people, but you’re likely out of luck unless speaking either Dutch or Spanish.

I’m not sure what Appiah did between matches (my guess is a mix of rehab, fitness and playing Football Manager on his laptop) but you can bet he had those FIFA international dates circled on his calendar with a big bright highlighter pen.

Appiah’s bizarre situation began with a knee injury while he was with Fenerbahçe. According to Appiah, the Turkish club screwed up his treatment and so he headed to Italy (where he had played in Serie A for both Juventus and Udinese) for rehabilitation. Appiah also ended his contract with Fener, which the club weren’t happy about, and so the midfielder found himself clubless and his career in legal limbo.

Yesterday it was announced that – finally – the now 28 year old Appiah is is once again gainfully employed. He’s signed for Serie A side Bologna, so now he can spend the time inbetween Black Stars matches playing professional football.

Here’s Appiah statement from his magnificently named personal website StepApp.com:

‘It is a good day for me and I am extremely happy that Bologna have shown faith in me and signed me’

‘It is a new chapter in my life and I am looking forward to joining the team and helping Bologna’s dreams come true. I am part of the Bologna family now and their dream is my dream too’

‘I will like to say a very big thank you to everyone at Bologna who has been involved in this. I am ready for the challenge and looking forward to pulling on my favourite number 4 jersey for the ‘rossoblu’

‘I will also like to thank every single one of you who have prayed for me, wished me well and supported me through out these trying times. I couldnt have made it without your support and prayers. I am eternally grateful to you all and you will see the real Appiah back to his best soon’

‘I will also like to thank the GFA, Black Stars Management team and players who have stood by me through thick and thin’

‘I am excited and will give a full length interview later in the week when I settle in Bologna. In the mean time I am happy to declare that Stephen Appiah is no longer Unattached’

It’s my understanding that though Appiah is much loved in Ghana, not everyone was in favour of coach Milovan Rajevac continuing to pick and play the midfielder. There was also some suggestion that continued clublessness would have a negative impact on Appiah’s chances of making the World Cup. You know, the upcoming World Cup. The one that’s the first ever on African soil. So maximum respect to Rajevac for sticking with his captain, and maximum respect to Stephen Appiah for not giving up. I hope Apiah makes an impact at Bologna (currently fourth bottom of Serie A, so they could do with a boost) and that we see him captaining the Black Stars at World Cup 2010 next June.

But here’s a question already… after signing Appiah in November, how happy will Bologna be when goes to Africa Cup of Nations 2010 in January?

The shortlists are below, along with some FIFA WPotY shortlist vs Ballon d’Or shortlist comparison. Just for fun.

Here is the FIFA Men’s World Player of the Year shortlist:

Michael Ballack (Germany)
Gianluigi Buffon (Italy)
Iker Casillas (Spain)
Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)
Diego (Brazil)
Didier Drogba (Ivory Coast)
Michael Essien (Ghana)
Samuel Eto’o (Cameroon)
Steven Gerrard (England)
Thierry Henry (France)
Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Sweden)
Andres Iniesta (Spain)
Kaka (Brazil)
Frank Lampard (England)
Luis Fabiano (Brazil)
Lionel Messi (Argentina)
Carles Puyol (Spain)
Franck Ribery (France)
Wayne Rooney (England)
John Terry (England)
Fernando Torres (Spain)
David Villa (Spain)
Xavi (Spain)

The Ballon d’Or shortlist is 30 players long, so at least seven players were going to miss out on double-recognition. There were actually ten players from the Ballon d’Or list that didn’t make the FIFA WPotY list. They are: Andrei Arshavin, Edin Dzeko, Karem Benzema, Yohann Gourcuff, Maicon, Yaya Toure, Julio Cesar, Nemanja Vidic, Cesc Fabregas, Ryan Giggs.

Which means there are three players who are on the FIFA WPotY list but aren’t on the Ballon d’Or list: Gigi Buffon, Carles Puyol, Michael Ballack.

All of which proves that football awards and shortlists are completely subjective. And probably far too long. Whether players like Dzeko and Gourcugg deserved to be on the WPotY shortlist or not (I say yes) this award is more than likely going to come down to four men: Cristiano Ronaldo, Leo Messi, Andres Iniesta and Xavi.

Here are the ten shorlisted FIFA Women’s World Player of the Year nominees:

Nadine Angerer (Germany)
Sonia Bompastor (France)
Cristiane (Brazil)
Inka Grings (Germany)
Mana Iwabuchi (Japan)
Simone Laudehr (Germany)
Marta (Brazil)
Birgit Prinz (Germany)
Kelly Smith (England)
Abby Wambach (USA)

Five of the ten players ply their trade in Women’s Professional Soccer, so read Melissa’s reaction to the nominations here.

Twice a week for around two years now, the team of grannies shrug off any domestic stuff they’re supposed to be doing and play the beautiful game:

“I like to play soccer because it helps,” said Nari Baloyi, who at 47-years-old, clocks in as one of the youngest players. “We were sick, but now our temperatures, our blood pressures… have gone down …even our doctors are amazed when we go for a check-up.”

There’s an idea being floated right now for Vakhegula Vakhegula to play an exhibition game before one of the World Cup 2010 opening games. Watch the video of the grannies in action after the jump, and then tell me that’s not the best idea ever.

Keep an eye out for the 0:50 mark, where 84 year old Nora Makhubela says “My life has really changed…if I were to run with you I would beat you even though I’m much older.” She’s talking to you Peter Crouch.

This right here is why I love the World Cup, and why it won’t matter if someone like Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t there. The World Cup’s not all about the big name players, it’s also about the heartwarming side stories that come with it.

I also love that the Grannies have local fans! And love even more the idea of the Vakhegula Vakhegula playing a part in opening World Cup 2010. If USA ‘94 can have Diana Ross taking a penalty…

…then South Africa 2010 needs to have the Grannies playing an exhibition match.

Anyone making a Wayne Rooney joke gets a zero for the day.

Boy, does that seem like a life time ago.

Today, Maradona has caused more Argentine headaches then the English fans had after the Hand of God goal. The team struggled mightily in World Cup qualifying, to the point where Argentina needed to win both of their remaining games against Peru and Uruguay in order to secure a spot.

The first game against Peru was shockingly close, but a last gasp, hail mary of a cross found a head in Martin Palermo to seal the game. In typical dignified fashion, Maradona celebrated the only way he knew how; using the wet pitch as his own personal slip and slide, taking a belly flop like an Antarctic penguin. Think about that for a second; a huge celebration for a win . . . against Peru. That is how far the Argentine Nats have fallen.

But that was only the beginning of this *ahem* colorful characters antics. After securing the victory against Uruguay in another less than inspiring show, Maradona gave his greatest performance of all with wonderful quotes like these:

“I never forget. To those who didn’t believe, with apologies to the ladies, they can suck it. They can keep sucking it. I’m either black or white – I’ll never be gray in my life. You people who treated me like you did? Keep licking it. Now, next question?”

“Eh, you have it inside you too” – in response to another reporters question

That was enough to catch the ire of FIFA head Sepp Blatter, who has now begun an investigation of this childish tirade.

But Diego wasn’t done!

Forever blameless for any of his wrong doings, Maradona has now traded in his managerial tracksuit for the cape and magnifying glass of a detective. He has uncovered a conspiracy – typically, against him and his boss – and he is revealing “the truth” to anyone who can hear him.

“There is a campaign against against Grondona here. Vila and Bilardo wanted to bring down Grondona,” Maradona said.

Vila is a well respected reporter out of Argentina. He has been trumpeting for the firing of Maradona since Argentina’s struggles began, pleading with AFA head Grondona to do the right thing. In Maradona’s mind, Vila’s unsuccessful bid to turn Grondona against him forced the reporter to find another ally to get his master plan done. That man? Carlos Bilardo. And why? Because Bilardo has aspirations of being the true Argentine head coach.

Of course.

You would figure that someone would tell this guy to just be quiet and lay low till 2010, but when you are used to being treated like a diety, such a request may be too much to ask for.

What are your thoughts on the latest from El Dios Maradona?

Basically, the UWFC people treat international football as if it was boxing or wrestling, in which you have a title-holder and challengers. When the current Unofficial World Champion plays against any other nation, the title is up for grabs. If the other nation wins, they become the new Unofficial World Champions. And so on.

All “A” internationals count, so that means any full senior international game, be it World Cup final or just plain old friendly.

The idea started in 1967, when Scotland faced World Cup holders England at Wembley in a European Championship qualifier. Here’s a nice nine minutes plus YouTube video of that game (with a very Scottish introduction)…

Scotland won 3-2, ending England’s 19 game unbeaten run, which led to Scottish fans declaring their team the “unofficial world champions”. At some point (I can’t find exactly when) someone decided to take this idea of an unofficial world champion and trace it all the way back to the beginning.

The first ever international match was in 1872, between what were then the only international teams in the world: England and Scotland. Unhelpfully for the UWFC, that game finished 0-0. But they met again in 1873, England won 4-2, and the UWFC title is traced from there. You can see the full list of title matches here. Brilliantly, that famous game 1967 game between England and Scotland actually was an unofficial title match in hindsight, as England happened to be UWFC holders as well as actual World Cup holders at the time.

Of course, it’s all done with a smile, and not taken too seriously. Most teams are probably unaware of the UWFC title’s existence. I can’t decide if that adds to the charm, or is a missed opportunity to add a competitive edge to international friendly week. Either way it keeps FIFA happy, because the UWFC’s fun loving approach doesn’t threaten their dominance or profit margins. Here’s what FIFA have to say, according the UWFC website:

‘As long as people have fun with football and that it is played in the spirit of respect for all involved, the non-violation of the Laws of the Game and the ethics of sport, FIFA is more than happy!’ exclaimed a statement from the FIFA Media Department. ‘We wish UFWC fans a lot of fun!’

Current holders the Netherlands have had the title since November 2008, when they beat Sweden 3-1 in a friendly. They last defended it by drawing 0-0 vs Australian on October 10th, but face a genuine challenge on November 14th when they play a friendly against Italy in Pescara (to show solidarity with the earthquake hit region).

All of days ago we were treated to a trailer of Fahrenheit 2010, the documentary which takes a look at the devious desires behind FIFA’s insistence on a World Cup in South Africa. Not quite sure it’ll have the clout to do any damage (read: bribes), but it shines more light on an already illuminated subject.

So how about the news that the German national team won’t be leaving their compound without bulletproof vests? It would seem that dirty tackles are the least of their worries in South Africa.

* – Click on that link for an eminent display of Photoshopping skillz. Love it.

BaySecur, the security consultancy in charge of Jogi’s boys next summer, gave us a little view into the process:

“The possibility for the players of moving outside of the hotel boundaries should be kept to a minimum. Otherwise there must be a full escort: armed security guards and bullet-proof vests for the players.”

So in other words, treat them like a president under assassination threat. Or the pope.

What’s going to happen is South Africa will turn into the real life interpretation of a pretty poor Steven Seagal or Nicolas Cage film. Presumably with better acting from Mario Gomez. And then Michael Ballack and Jogi Loew will meet in a dark room at an airport under black ops surveillance. Then Jason Bourne will come in and save the day (both in terms of the actual day and film quality). And voila, the fourth in the Bourne series will be….

There is one silver lining for all of this, however: standards are set so impossibly low they can’t possibly fall short, can they?

(Don’t answer that.)

What he lacks in coaching abilities, he makes up for in deliciously idiotic words. He’s kind of like Maradona without the playing career. Or coke habit. Or fatness.

The latest and greatest comes fresh off the announcement of Ireland as their obstacle on the way to South Africa 2010. A team he’s affectionately dubbed ‘England’s B side‘.

There may have been something lost in translation, or there may not – this is Raymond Domenech, after all. What is certain is that Irish eyes will be giving this the thrice over at the bulletin board every single day up until that first day in Dublin.

“Whoever our opponents were, I would have said the same thing, the objective is to qualify: but now it’s Ireland, we just have to get on with it. The advantage is that everyone knows them. They are a sort of England B side. They all play in the English league so all our players know them: some of our players play alongside them, while others against them. There will be no surprises. We know what to expect and we know what we have to do.”

Of course this isn’t the first time the Irish have been referred to as England’s B’s. Back in the 90’s they used to hunt out Irish lineage in Englishmen for the national team, earning the name and reputation.

Not quite what Domenech meant, however. What he meant to say is that the Irish aren’t quite a closed book, that like England, their playing style and players are no mystery. Which he did say. Only the good and logical was overshadowed by the large mess he’d made in the other room, falling in line with the rest of his managerial career, spurring on the Irish in the process.

And if his managerial career remains on course, he’ll leave the playoff with a job regardless of outcome and will still be doing more for the opposition than his treasured Les Bleus. Viva la Domenech.