Including both diving and synchronized swimming.

His name is Narcisse Ekanga, and there is a pool of water near him – or all around him, rather. There’s also a rounding of the football gods cursing him with some really bad karma for the rest of AFCON.

There’s actually a very real chance he was hurt on the landing after a genuine attempt to escape injury. However, it just might look less fake without the water-aided spin and delayed howling after looking around to make sure there wasn’t a call.

He does get pretty decent rotation, though. Silver lining and all.

[101gg]

It’s going to take quite a bit for Olympic qualifying of any type to make any type of news, unless David Beckham is personally championing his merits for the cause. Women’s CONCACAF qualifiers? That will take something extraordinary. Like Costa Rica’s keeper Julieth Arias and the dreaded bouncy backpass.

Julieth might become infamous for this clip in ways she wouldn’t enjoy. But it’s entirely possible the ball just, err, disappeared. Can’t really fault her for that, can you?

(Alright, that’s pushing it – she just went in a little too casual.)

[101gg]

This guy is here to remind you. It’s here, and it’s…something.

This is not your prawn sandwich brigade. It’s more like a carnival crossed with a drag show dashed with a touch of Japanese game show. Which makes the stands equally as watchable as the happenings on the pitch – if not more so.

And I’m fairly sure he has a tail?

(It would go a long way to explaining the spawn of Satan currently resting in his right hand.)

Tickets to the World Cup in Brazil are going to be fairly difficult to come by one would expect, if only in comparison to South Africa 2010. Gun violence is also something of a concern, so combining the two is obviously a natural course of action (work with me). Brazil’s planning a “guns for tickets” drive ahead of the World Cup, netting at the very least a discount on tickets. This all sounds positive, but begs the question whether or not automatic weapons qualify for extra special tickets, like a semifinal. Or if anti-tank weapons can get you a seat in the Spanish WAGs section.

FIFA’s skeptical, however.

In order to curb gun violence and help out with the country’s disarmament campaign, FIFA is considering a plan to offer reduced-price or even free tickets to fans who hand in their guns to the Brazilian government.

FIFA’s secretary general Jérôme Valcke has his doubts about the plan, though.

“I think that unfortunately there are so many guns in Brazil that we wouldn’t have a sufficient number of tickets,” he told reporters in the capital Brasilia.

And who’s going to be the first player to turn in a gun to a national team coach for their “ticket”? Adriano?

Too easy.

Literally.

Just the day you were waiting for, right? Ukraine’s Euro 2012 coin collection: released. Specifically the coin above, for which you’ve been stocking away all those gift cards and envelopes full of cash.

It’s a €46 coin selling at a price of €34,000. For, yes, a football tournament. Outside of the rapture, I can’t imagine there to be any event worth selling currency at roughly 740x its actual value – and even then I imagine it’d be frowned upon. (You know, given the whole ‘charity’ thing.)

Tis a nice looking piece of change, really, along with the rest of the collection. Still won’t get you anything but blank stares at Starbucks.

Sadly, this guy is not on the list. (But he should be. And he is certainly fabulous.)

The men to earn hate and derision from entire nations take charge of the Euro 2012 next summer have been given their summons papers, along with, hopefully, a sizable security detail. Refereeing is one of those jobs that knowing the names at hand isn’t necessarily a good thing, as the premier among them go unnoticed. So here you go – anyone familiar gets a dartboard.

The 12 are: Cuneyt Cakr (Turkey), Jonas Eriksson (Sweden), Viktor Kassai (Hungary), Bjorn Kuipers (Netherlands), Stephane Lannoy (France), Pedro Proenca (Portugal), Nicola Rizzoli (Italy), Damir Skomina (Slovenia), Wolfgang Stark (Germany), Craig Thomson (Scotland), Carlos Velasco Carballo (Spain) and Howard Webb (England).

Big names and bad jokes ruled the day in Nyon as the Euro names were announced. And given that it’s the Euros, where the quality has a higher density, Groups of Death are often just the groups. However, Group B is a clusterfuck of quality and Group C, should Bilic’s boys get their acts together as they can, aren’t tremendously far behind. Meanwhile, France gets the hosts from Pot 1 for the second major tournament in a row and Group A is…well, that one might be a bit thin in comparison. (Just a bit.)

It’s a little late to make sure there are no child births on the days of Germany v Netherlands or Spain v Italy, but it’s not really like the kid will remember, right?

Schedule to be up shortly.

If you’d heard of the American Samoa national football team before this week, there’s likely only one reason: Australia. A few years back, they took a beating that would leave even a ginger stepchild quaking in their boots at 31-0. They’re also the joint-worst team in all the world. But in a successful effort to stave off symmetry, they won what was to be #31 earlier this week, then drew against the Cook Islands today in their WCQ, keeping them undefeated in two. An unlikely invitee to Brazil in 2014, but a great story.

They’re also “co-ed”, which is likely unique in WCQ. And judging by the lack of hot pants on the highlights, Sepp’s yet to intervene.

The Czech Republic national team might just be the bad boys of Europe, never seemingly far from the dark side of the press or contributing to a hooker’s rent. They’d also been underachieving a bit, giving them due reason to celebrate their inclusion in Polkraine 2012.

Of course, taking it out on a detractor by singing “Radek Drulak has no cock.” in a Montenegro airport probably isn’t what the PR department had in mind.

On a positive note, the 15 other teams at Euro 2012 would love that sort of team unity.

The Southeast Asian Games are more of a local flavor, unlikely to get any sort of global pub unless something big happens. Well, it happened, and under tragic circumstances, as fans unable to get tickets for the final in Jakarta between the hosts and Malaysia burned down two ticket booths, while the pregame resulted in a stampede of those attempting to get in (possibly without tickets?), killing two, others injured.

Hardly a glimmering day for football. (Malaysia would win on PKs.)